My 5-year-old locked me out of the house today. I feel like I could just end my story right there.
As I was walking a friend of mine to her car, Lil' J closed the door, locked it, and proceeded to his water table antics in the backyard. I tried knocking, but didn't dare ring the doorbell since the 2-year-old was sleeping and we have idiots for dogs.
Sans shoes and in skin scorching 95 degree weather, I hiked my way into the backyard; stepping on every sharp rock and pointy stick ever created by nature. Of course, the gate was locked so I had to try my newest yoga move, "Go, Go Gadget Arms," to reach the lock.
Once I walked through the gate, the little snot was laughing at me.
Seriously? It was no accident! The only thing that kept me from getting mad before I saw him laughing was that I assumed, wrongly, that he thought I was in the house and he was being cautious. Turns out, he has it in for me.
I wonder what he will think of the pickle juice in his orange juice tomorrow morning?
Payback is just like Mama!
Pammy
Monday, May 6, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Toddlers & Tattoos
Right now, my two year old is rockin' a face tattoo that would make Mike Tyson proud. A self-inflicted, Sharpie tattoo, that is. On top of his face tattoo he has also given himself arm & leg tattoos. And my couch has some super rad ink too.
All of this occurred in the maybe 5 minutes in which I had the audacity to heed the call of nature. Apparently, that is all the time my Sharpie ninja needs to scale the kitchen counter, retrieve a permanent marker from the pen cup hanging on the wall, and then go to town on his skin/the couch's microfiber.
The BEST part? That shit won't wash off! We are on day 3 and it has merely faded (see below). So I get to be the mom hauling baby Mike Tyson around Target.
Toddlers are awesome.
--Charlie
(And btw, that Pinterest tip about rubbing alcohol cleaning microfiber? Yeah, doesn't work so well for marker, just fyi. On top of the stains from spilled sippies and grubby feet, there is now a haze of blue ink surrounding darker blue ink lines on my couch. I'm thinking the only thing that will help my poor stained couch is a blowtorch...)
All of this occurred in the maybe 5 minutes in which I had the audacity to heed the call of nature. Apparently, that is all the time my Sharpie ninja needs to scale the kitchen counter, retrieve a permanent marker from the pen cup hanging on the wall, and then go to town on his skin/the couch's microfiber.
The BEST part? That shit won't wash off! We are on day 3 and it has merely faded (see below). So I get to be the mom hauling baby Mike Tyson around Target.
Toddlers are awesome.
--Charlie
(And btw, that Pinterest tip about rubbing alcohol cleaning microfiber? Yeah, doesn't work so well for marker, just fyi. On top of the stains from spilled sippies and grubby feet, there is now a haze of blue ink surrounding darker blue ink lines on my couch. I'm thinking the only thing that will help my poor stained couch is a blowtorch...)
Friday, May 3, 2013
I Just Tenured My Way Into the Mom's Club!
Lil' J is 5 and totally awesome. He pairs up some of the most fantastic outfits, he passes gas in public constantly, and has mooned his aunt in the middle of a Thai restaurant.
A great friend of mine came into town this week for a conference (we live in Sin City baby)! We made plans to meet up with her at Rainforest Cafe in the MGM. Big J, Lil' J, G and I were making our way through the casino when a snappy Katy Perry song came on. I started singing and dancing and asked Lil' J if he would get in on the act with me. He normally jumps at the chance to show off his spastic 5-year-old moves and singing at the top of his lungs. In a stunning change of events, he whispered "Stop dancing in front of the people."
My mind wasn't sure how to process that little gem. And then it dawned on me...I have the ability to embarass my son! I remember the first time my mom was jamming out to Muzak, singing at the top of her lungs at the Commissary (military grocery store for you civilians), and I wanted to crawl under a rock. That's some serious power I now wield!
I am a tenured member of the Mommy Club!
I made a mental note to use extreme caution while he is still young and I like him. However, it would serve him well to remember when he is a hormonal, testy teenager that I am a powerful, powerful woman with a set of lungs like Mariah and moves like Jagger.
Play That Funky Music,
Pammy
A great friend of mine came into town this week for a conference (we live in Sin City baby)! We made plans to meet up with her at Rainforest Cafe in the MGM. Big J, Lil' J, G and I were making our way through the casino when a snappy Katy Perry song came on. I started singing and dancing and asked Lil' J if he would get in on the act with me. He normally jumps at the chance to show off his spastic 5-year-old moves and singing at the top of his lungs. In a stunning change of events, he whispered "Stop dancing in front of the people."
My mind wasn't sure how to process that little gem. And then it dawned on me...I have the ability to embarass my son! I remember the first time my mom was jamming out to Muzak, singing at the top of her lungs at the Commissary (military grocery store for you civilians), and I wanted to crawl under a rock. That's some serious power I now wield!
I am a tenured member of the Mommy Club!
I made a mental note to use extreme caution while he is still young and I like him. However, it would serve him well to remember when he is a hormonal, testy teenager that I am a powerful, powerful woman with a set of lungs like Mariah and moves like Jagger.
Play That Funky Music,
Pammy
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Welcome to the Wagon!
Hey there!
Welcome to our new blog. We're riding on a crazy little thing we call "Life with Kids." We raise boys. We cook stuff. We do other rad shit that is awesome. We swear (but not in front of our kids, of course. Well, maybe sometimes, but not on purpose). And sometimes, we drink.
Because we're real moms. Regular moms who sometimes get it right, but more often than not, get it horribly, hilariously wrong (we're like human Cake Wrecks).
So hop in the Crazy Station Wagon. We hope you enjoy the ride!
-Pammy & Charlie
Welcome to our new blog. We're riding on a crazy little thing we call "Life with Kids." We raise boys. We cook stuff. We do other rad shit that is awesome. We swear (but not in front of our kids, of course. Well, maybe sometimes, but not on purpose). And sometimes, we drink.
Because we're real moms. Regular moms who sometimes get it right, but more often than not, get it horribly, hilariously wrong (we're like human Cake Wrecks).
So hop in the Crazy Station Wagon. We hope you enjoy the ride!
-Pammy & Charlie
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